Overcoming a Misguided Mindset

 She sat next to him on their bed, knees curled up into her chest, arms wrapped tightly around them.  “Please,” he prodded, “can’t we just try it?”

She shook her head and whispered, “I can’t.”

“Why not,” he asked gently.

He sat patiently and studied her face as tears welled in her eyes.  “Because,” she cried, “I’d be too embarrassed to have my butt sticking up in the air like that!”  ~


Trying new things is often scary, and inhibitions in the bedroom can be difficult to overcome.  Many people have misguided ideas about sex which can stem from religious teachings, upbringing or past experience.  These often deep-rooted notions may cause sexual creativity to be viewed as uncomfortable, embarrassing, rebellious, dirty and even sinful.  Making the leap from missionary position to doggie style can be deemed downright disgusting.  For some people oral sex and masturbation are considered intolerable acts.  Fear of judgment deters a willingness to explore, and fear can squelch even a healthy sex drive.   We need to overcome our misguided mindset and start seeing our body as the love-making machine it was designed to be.  Start your engine!

You can be a Christian and still celebrate the sensuality of your nature.  In the past, religion negatively impacted the Christian philosophy of sex, resulting in a rigid, missionary approach.  Many people still believe intercourse should only be for the purpose of procreating.  If this were true, then our bodies would not have been designed to seek out physical attention well beyond our childbearing years.  Our endorphins would not secrete at the appropriate moment to attract a mate, nor would we find ourselves aroused by the anticipation of a sexual encounter.   Whether or not you are a Christian has nothing to do with what sexual position you prefer.

In the early 80’s a youth pastor at our church taught a group of  teenage girls and boys that any act which sexually stimulated their bodies was sinful.  His belief was whether it was hand holding or kissing, if it sexually aroused you it was wrong.  Telling a bunch of hormone raging teens not to be sexually active is like telling a male moose not to mount during mating season!  Some of the youth stifled their hormonal desire in an attempt to be a “good Christian” while others decided to bask in the glory of God’s unending forgiveness and go hog wild.   Both paths led to a temporarily distorted view of human sexuality and the brilliant usefulness of its design for marriage.

The Bible is clear about God’s pro-sex stance among spouses.  Furthermore, the Bible not only emphasizes that couples should fulfill their sexual needs, but in the very omission of detailed instruction, opens the door to sensual exploration.  In other words, your sexuality is not dirty, it is divine.  Whether you like to suck on your wife’s toes or dip his penis in chocolate, it might be considered weird, but it’s not bad or wrong or sinful.  As long as you and your spouse are in agreement, anything goes!

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