Marriage was created out of a need for companionship but there is also an intimate design to fuse the two into one, and to consummate that fusion through sexual union. Sexual union is the natural consummation of romantic affection. It facilitates a deeper connection between spouses on physical, emotional, mental and even spiritual levels. It is the most intimate act in which two human beings can engage.
Think about that for a second. As a woman, my husband can hug me, kiss me, hold my hand, talk to me, support me, encourage me…but when he enters me he becomes one with every part of who I am. It is an undefineable intimacy that breaks down barriers, overcomes obstacles and opens the conduit of communication on every level.
God knows how important sex is to human beings. God created a need for sex as an instinctive part of our human nature. He understands the importance of our sexuality so much that He has laid out definitive parameters in the Bible for us to follow; and His instructions are simple.
“Let the husband fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again lest Satan tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (I Corinthians 7:3-5)
Clearly these verses touch on more than just sexual union, but for now I want to focus on two areas in relation to sex. The first is the spousal fulfillment of duty and the second is the importance of not depriving one another.
In verse three of the above, God blatantly states that the fulfillment of pleasure, be it physical, mental, emotional and sexual, is the responsibility of each spouse to the other. We are to pleasure one another with our minds, our hearts and our bodies. We are to satisfy, gratify and fulfill each other. Why? Because the stimulation we give to each other is what promotes growth, intensity and overall health in our marriage.
In verse 5, God drives His point home by explaining why spouses should not deprive each other of sexual union. I love looking up the original Greek to better understand the heart behind the verse, so I looked up the word “deprive.” The Greek word for deprive is “apostero,” meaning to deprive, wrong or defraud another of what belongs to him. When you withhold sexual union from your marriage, you are defrauding your spouse of what is rightfully theirs and defrauding yourself of what is rightfully yours.
Yes, but why should I put out for him when he doesn’t meet my emotional needs? I’ve heard many women ask this question, and the answer is simple. Put the overall needs of the marriage first on a consistent basis and you will be pleasantly surprised by the results. Fuse your marriage in consistent sexual union, and the communication channels to emotional and mental bonding will open up with static free reception.
When you marry, you and your spouse become as one; you belong to your spouse and they belong to you. This is not in the sense of ownership, but of complete surrender to one another by focusing first on the needs of your marriage, not your individual wants. According to God’s Word, sexual union is an intricate part of marriage; thus it is crucial to the health of the relationship to maintain an active physical bond.
It is SO important that God warns against sexual depravation, noting that it will lead to a lack of self-control. So, am I saying if you don’t have sex with your spouse on a consistent basis that they will end up in bed with someone else? No. What I’m saying is if you refuse to nurture your marriage, it will grow stagnant. If you deny your marriage the fundamental nutrients it needs to grow, it will wither and die. If you don’t fan the flame, there will be no fire… and when there is no longer a fire, hearts grow cold and seek warmth elsewhere.
In the words of Rick Springfield, “we all need the human touch,” so consistently Fuse it before you lose it. ~