The most influential F word in a relationship is Fulfillment. We all want it, crave it, need it, chase after it, fight for it, clutch it, grab it, grip it, get a strangle hold on it, and inevitably watch it slip through our fingers.
In a world where divorce is prevalent, infidelity rampant and heartache seemingly inevitable, how do we have a successful relationship?
It starts by fulfilling each other’s basic needs. Ladies, it starts with fulfilling your man.
There are countless books on the topic of fulfilling your man. A quick internet search renders thousands of titles, all packed full of innovative ways to build your relationship and keep him coming back for more. I’ve read many of these books and though they do offer some creative and fun ideas, it is my belief that we make marriage harder than it has to be. In today’s world, marriage is already difficult enough. The divorce rate continues to climb, families are ripped apart, hearts are tragically broken and lives are destroyed. Hectic schedules and demanding careers leave a husband and wife with little time to talk and even less time for listening and understanding.
Marriages don’t end because people stop loving. It ends because they stop connecting.
It has been my experience, and consequently become my belief, that if a woman wants to fulfill her man, she needs to stop trying to do fifty things and focus only on four.
Men need very little. This concept is hard for women to understand because we typically “need” much more to feel satisfied. Take shoes, for example. We need a minimum of fifty pairs, and as most of you will agree, I’m low-balling there. He needs three pairs. Dress Shoes or Work shoes. Tennis shoes. Flip flops. We require accessories to match every outfit we own. He needs a watch. We need panties in all different colors, shapes and styles. He needs one type of underwear and he most likely doesn’t care what color they are. Let’s face it; a lot of guys don’t even require clean underwear!
Ironically, our relationships often break down because we, women, fail to meet their simplest needs. We run around trying to fulfill them in all sorts of creative, wonderful, exhausting ways… when all we really have to do is embrace the four F’s.
You’ve probably heard the old adage, “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” It’s true. Men need to be fed and when a woman cooks the food he likes, it strokes the strings of his heart. So, simply put, don’t order in or eat out at every meal. Cook for him and he will feel loved.
On the opposite side of the spectrum, some of you are exhausted from trying to make fancy-schmancy meals when your husband’s favorite food is a giant plate of spaghetti and meatballs. Something new and fancy is great every once in a while, but men are creatures of habit, so make a habit of cooking what he likes.
Men need time for male-bonding…period. Whether he plays basketball with the guys, golfs, tinkers in the garage on some project you know he’ll never finish, goes on fishing or hiking trips or heads to Vegas for a boys wild get-away… whatever it is, he needs time with his friends to rejuvenate his manhood. He needs to burp and fart, scratch his balls and boast; and do all the things considered taboo in the presence of women.
AND, he doesn’t need a guilt trip about it. The male-bonding time feeds his ego, solidifies his rank in the pack, gives him a testosterone boost and validation to know he thinks and acts in similar fashion to the others. He needs this guy time to free his mind of all the female clutter we constantly yackity-yack into his brain.
He will return relaxed and ready to embrace the woman he loves.
Most women are not as fanatical about sports as most men. It’s hard for a woman to grasp the fulfillment a simple football game can bring; but there is relational magic in it. Regardless of what sport your man is into, he needs nag-free time to enjoy the game. He needs to be able to go to a pub and watch it without being harped on or made to feel guilty. Better yet, he needs to be able to watch the game at home, stretched out in his favorite chair with some game snacks and beer.
For men, football represents more than just the game itself. It’s a time of freedom, where they can forget about jobs, bills, wife and kids and lose themselves in the excitement and entertainment of the game. Football is an emotional outlet for a man, as most men don’t outwardly scream and cheer at much else in their lives, the way they do when their team is winning or losing.
If you’ve been living under the misnomer that sex is not important to men, think again. It’s one of the most important aspects of the relationship and key in their personal fulfillment. They think about it. They want it. They crave it. They need it. And I’m not talking about lethargic, half-asleep, lay there and let him have his way with you sort-of sex. I’m talking about the real deal. They need energetic, all-consuming, numb your ears, toe-tingling sex!
Food. Friends. Football. F#@k. = Fulfillment.
Men really are that simple, so don’t complicate it. What you’ll discover is when his needs are met, he suddenly becomes more aware and willing to meet your needs. When he feels loved by you, he’ll lasso the moon if it’s what you desire and go out of his way to set your heart on fire.